The first time that my new husband hurt my feelings, I sat on our front steps and cried my eyes out. It was a warm night at the end of the summer, and as I sat there I asked God how it was possible that just weeks after the wedding I could be this crushed by my loyal and loving (and oblivious) husband.
It was one of those times that God answered me very specifically.
It isn’t his job.
Filling all of your needs. It isn’t his job.
The tears dried on my cheeks as I thought about that. I had this erroneous idea that was probably born in my childhood or early teens that marriage was the ultimate goal and would make me happy. Even knowing intellectually that it wasn’t true, it was a hard reality to actually encounter.
Christian dating/courtship books encourage this idea, though they probably don’t mean to. Even most of the conversations that I have had about marriage make it seem like singleness is a long hard journey and the reward is marriage.. much like we look forward to heaven at the end of the journey of life. But marriage isn’t a goal; marriage is a continuation of the journey. Marriage is acquiring a running partner. Marriage is the decision to make the hard journey of life with a loving and sinful spouse who is also a novice at the whole thing.
There’s an evangelistic concept that we all have a God-shaped hole in our hearts that only he can fill.. only I feel like as single women we were all subtly told that it is actually a husband-shaped hole. We long for marriage, and so we imagine that a husband will make us secure or cure our loneliness or fix our brokenness.
It isn’t a husband-shaped hole. It is definitely a God-shaped hole. Don’t make the mistake of trying to saddle your spouse with responsibilities that actually belong to Jesus.
Even after 2 years of marriage, sometimes I have to stop and evaluate where I am placing my trust. Am I expecting things of Jason that are not within his responsibilities (or capabilities) to fulfill? Am I trusting Jesus to be my Savior and trusting Jason to be my partner?
That night, I got up and climbed the steps back into my house. I gave my hurt feelings to God and responded to my (still clueless) husband with love. And I let the hole in my heart be filled by the only one big enough to fill it.