Over the past 5 or so years I have been living in a drought of friendship. I’m not sure how it happened, because I had many close friends in my late teens and early twenties, but as life happened and people moved around I found myself without much fellowship. I had a few people that I would call on the phone or talk to online, but I lacked in person female bonding. I remember traveling through Oklahoma and spending a few days with a friend from school there, and we spent the whole time curled up talking about life and God, watching sappy tv shows and drinking cocoa. My heart needs that connection.
I worked with women that I talked to a lot, and I married and had a beautiful baby, so my life wasn’t devoid of human interaction. But something is different. Sometimes you need a friend that clicks with you at the heart.
Something that I had taught myself years ago was to go to God first with my feelings. I am apt to emotionally vomit on people and never get around to prayer, so it is good for me to work things through with God before I talk them over with someone else. During the drought I went to God a lot, and I worked on investing in my relationship with him. I prayed about this lack of friendship and asked for him to fill the dry cracks that I felt in my life because of it.
Another thing that I struggled with was overlooking opportunities for friendship because they didn’t fit my preconceived mold of what I was looking for. God has always paired me with weird people, but for some reason it is hard for me to let go of wanting “cool” friends.
Eventually, I reached out. I stopped hoping for a friend to come to me, and instead I decided to be that friend. I realized that I have a lot to offer, and that my strengths are perfectly suited for deep and meaningful relationships. And I stopped looking for friendship where I expected to find it.
I now have a few women that I see regularly and consider close friends. I also have a few women that I see infrequently but I have purposed that when we visit I ask intentional questions and share my true heart because I love them and refuse to live in a shallow place with them. I have also let go of a lot of past insecurity and am trying to build relationships with people that I was intimidated or irritated by before.
If you are going through a friendship drought, be encouraged. First, you have the ultimate friend in Jesus, and maybe this is the time that you need to build your reliance on him. Secondly, stop looking for the type of friends you want and start praying about being a friend to the people God has put around you. The weird ones always make the best friends. And when you find that person that your heart clicks with, it is like a drink of fresh water in the middle of a long drought.